Many years ago, I came across a conversation between a few trade published authors who kept referring to authors who had succumbed to the “Special Snowflake” mentality. I took great offense at a lot of what they were saying because, at the time, I was still a naïve writer who thought much the same way as the rest of the writing world.
Then the self-publishing disaster hit the publishing world, and I slowly began to see what those veteran authors were referring to all those years ago. I wrote an article about this several years back, but I feel the need to revamp the above statement. Most people are going to hate me for this, but it’s time that all those Amazon wannabes get a good dose of reality and pull their heads out of their collective asses. It’s time to stop deluding yourself and go take your meds. Seriously. You. ARE NOT. a special. Snowflake.
Trade publishers release approximately 300K books a year. Indie publishers produce approximately twice that many. The fact that you wrote a book is about as rare as someone buying a cup of coffee at some point in their lives. The fact that you managed to type out a few See Jane Run sentences on your computer, slap up a generic stock photo on it and managed to figure out how to upload it to Amazon does not make you interesting and it sure as hell doesn’t make you a professional writer. These days, nearly one in three people have now published a book on their memoirs, thoughts on parenting, aging, the tacky Fifty Shades knock off. There is absolutely ZERO barriers to becoming a published author these days. If you can manage to string sentences together, no matter how grammatically incorrect, presto, you’re an author. So again, You. Are NOT. Special. So get over it.
Being a writer is hard; being a successful writer is even harder. The sooner you realize these truths and accept them and start actually working at becoming a better writer, the sooner you will find yourself amassing actual readers and fans with the real reviews and the success that goes along with it.
1. Don’t quit your day job.
Whether you want to admit it or not, being a writer is a lot of work. And I do mean a LOT. OF FREAKIN’. WORK. Most writers won’t ever make enough money to support themselves or their families by pounding out novels. And those few that do usually can do so only because they are married with a spouse who works a steady Evil Day Job (EDJ) making enough money so that their writer spouse can keep writing full time.
Writers who have children and house notes and car notes and utility bills rarely make enough through writing on a continued basis to afford to write full time. Anyone telling you anything different is full of shit, period. Even bestselling authors aren’t rich by any stretch of the imagination. They don’t get to live in multi-million dollar houses and drive cars that cost more than most people’s annual salaries.
Not even when you manage to hit the NYT Bestseller list are you going to be rolling in the dough. Even if you managed to get an advancement from your trade publisher, your agent is going to take a chunk of that, followed by the IRS. Your publisher, if you are lucky enough to have been trade pubbed, will not start paying out royalties until your novel advancement has earned out, which could take years, if it happens at all.
Making enough to support yourself is rare, making enough to support entire families for years on end is even rarer, and hitting that multi-million dollar book deal is the rarest of all. Sorry to bust your bubble, but that’s just the way the business actually works. The rare author who hits it big is the exception to the rule, not the norm. The sooner you accept that success as a writer doesn’t always mean being a multi-million dollar NYT Bestseller with fans hanging on your every word, the happier you will be.
2. You are not the next Stephenie Meyer, Anne Rice, J.K. Rowling, V.C. Andrews, E.L. James, Stephen King…..
You. Are. NOT. Again, stop deluding yourself and go take your meds. Authors of any caliber got that way because they worked their butts off for years honing their craft, learning the industry, promoting the hell out of themselves when no one else would, and never took ‘no’ for an answer. In other words, THEY. DID. a LOT. of freakin’. WORK.
Success isn’t just handed to successful writers, and they certainly didn’t become successful by slapping up unedited garbage on Amazon and claiming it to be the best damn novel ever written. They did not become successful by then begging everyone and their brother to leave a bunch of fake reviews on GoodReads in a badly thought-out marketing plan to delude readers into buying their junk novels. And if your sole reason behind doing so is an attempt to cash in on the whole self-pubbing craze in an effort to get a chunk of the proverbial pie, then the joke is on you. When you are competing with THAT many people and THAT many new books each day, the slices of the pie continue to get smaller and smaller with each new book that hits the marketplace. When you are producing less than professional quality work, all you are really doing in the end is pissing off readers who were expecting a professional grade book but ended up getting sub-par drivel.
3. You are not a special snowflake. Deal with it.
If you enter into the industry as an unpublished writer who thinks that you are the absolute best, most awesome writer ever and have not produced the absolute best, most professional and awesome book ever, then don’t expect readers, and especially other seasoned authors, to flock to your side singing your praises. Sorry, it’s not going to happen. You are not a better writer than everyone else. Chances are you are not nearly as good as those writers out there who have spent years honing their craft. And you certainly aren’t better than those big-name authors who have earned the right to think they are all that. You. Are. NOT. Get over yourself. It’s annoying.
It simply amazes me at the sheer number of first-time writers out there who hit Amazon and FB every day thinking they are the bomb when it comes to writing, that they are the know-it-all of everything publishing and writing. They go around spamming FB and every group they can get into, singing their own praises and harassing anyone who dares to call them out on how bad their precious novel is, even though they have never even bothered to print the damn thing out and edit it or hire someone who knows what they are doing because they are simply. Just. That. GOOD.
Well, sorry to break it to you Mr. Joe-Blow, but if you don’t know your to/too/two or your it’s/its from your ass, and the punctuation police needs to come make a house arrest, then you need to sit down, shut up, and get to work on learning those basics before you start trying to convince others that you know what you are doing.
And you think you don’t need an editor? Pppffftttt, well think again, darlin’. Even I, someone with over thirty years of writing experience and a former editor KNOWS I need a professional editor. Anne Rice KNOWS she needs an editor. Stephenie Meyer? Editor. If you are going to be a writing diva right out of the gate who thinks the publishing world owes you something because your writing is pure gold then, man, you are SCREWED.
4. You are on your own.
It doesn’t matter if you are signed with a trade pub, a small house, or if you are 100% indie published, You. Are. On. Your. Own. Sorry to break it to you, but contrary to what you see in the movies or on Oprah, not even the big publishers are going to spend tons of marketing dollars on an author until they prove to the company through numerous bestsellers that they are golden. Only then, once you have proven yourself to be a genuine cash cow, will the company start paying out anything to promote your work. You cannot just turn in a manuscript or push publish on Amazon and think you are done. Writing the book is the easy part. Once it has hit the proverbial shelves, you will have to promote, network, market, and build your author brand on your own.
5. It’s a business. Start treating it like one.
If you are writing just for the fun of it and don’t care enough about the work, or your reputation as a professional writer, to bother to produce a quality product, then stop clogging up the marketplace and move aside for those of us who actually give a damn and want to make a living at it. If you don’t care enough to bother to even get a professional editor, then go slap your half-assed crap up onto a free site and stop fucking up the industry for the rest of us who actually work hard at producing a quality piece of work for our readers. Yeah, I said. Other authors have said, and I know it won’t win me any awards with other writers, but quite frankly, it’s the truth.
If you don’t want to put forth the work to hire a pro editor and market your work with sound marketing plans instead of under-handed gaming of the Amazon rankings, then why on God’s green Earth are you slapping up that crap on Amazon and wasting valuable space as well as turning readers against SPAs? You are making it harder for those of us who DO want to make a living at this profession. You’re like the really bad singer who wants it so badly but never bothered to take a damn singing lesson. There are real writers out there with real talent who don’t mind busting their asses to write quality work and spend the time, energy, and money it takes to hire professionals to get it right the first time. If all you are looking for is someone to stroke your ego, then go post your D-rated porn flicks onto an adult site and get. The Fuck. Out. Of. The. Way. Some of us don’t mind the hard work involved in producing well-crafted, polished books.
I am not writing this to try to discourage anyone from not going for their dreams or stop them from becoming successful. I’m writing this to lay out the cold, hard truth of the industry. Being a writer is a lot of hard, never-ending work. It takes practice to become a good writer, it takes time to hone your skills, and it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to build your brand. It is not for those who are looking to score a few quick bucks by gaming the Amazon system or for those who are not willing to put forth the time and effort it requires to produce a quality book. Those who think they are so good that they refuse to acknowledge the truth of the industry or refuse to take the advice and wisdom of seasoned writers will not succeed. Those who think they are so good that they do not need to edit or rewrite their books and insist upon publishing something on Amazon that they deem ‘good enough’ will not succeed. If you are truly serious about making it as a writer, then you will need to humble yourself, spend the time it takes to hone your craft, learn the industry, and be prepared to work like you have never worked before. Only then will you truly be successful as a professional writer.