Dec 1 2010

Tearing Down the Walls – Privacy in Writing

A reader of mine, who is also a writer, brought up a very interesting point.  He said, “When I tell someone that I am a writer, there is an instantaneous loss of privacy.”  Those words really struck home for me.  As a writer of erotic fantasy, there is a reason why I do not tell people that I am an author.  (see article “Why People Don’t Know that I am an Author” )  For me, it is really hard trying to explain to people exactly what I write about (mostly taboo fantasy fiction) and how/why I got started in this particular genre.  Reading those words of a fellow writer made me start thinking about all the reasons why people don’t want to confess their profession/hobby/passion, and why, once they do, they no longer have any type of privacy when it comes to their writing lives.

I cannot speak for all writers, but I can give you the rundown on how I lose privacy when I admit that I write.  First off, for some reason, people have a tendency to look at me funny when I say, “Yeah, I write.”  It’s almost like they are sizing me up.  I can almost see the gears turning in their heads.  What does she write about?  Does she do freelance from home?  How come I have never heard of her?  Is she any good?  It’s like they are trying to decide if they want to ask me anything about it or not.  If they are genuinely interested, then they usually ask.  It is these people who end up knowing a lot more about how my mind works than they really wanted to know, or that I wanted them to know.

The first question out of a person’s mouth is, “What do you write about?”  Well, if you happen to write news articles or fashion articles or articles on money or just about anything in the nonfiction genre then you will not likely have the scenario I am about to describe.  But as soon as I tell them, “I write fantasy fiction” they look at me like I had not gotten the memo that I was an adult.  In other words, people seem to associate “fantasy” stories with children and teenagers so obviously anyone who writes about fantasy is nothing more than an overgrown child.  They may be thinking that I am not that smart since I write about things that are not based in reality.  Now if I had told them I wrote children’s books they would want to know where they could pick up my latest creation.  But as soon as they heard the word “fantasy” they started making the following associations:

1.  She’s not very smart since she writes about things that do not actually exist.

2.  If she’s writing about make-believe things then she’s obviously immature and acts/thinks like a child.

3.  She’s not that talented because if she were then she would have a respectable job at a magazine or newspaper.

Already I have people making judgments about me based solely on the genre I choose to explore.  Now imagine the looks on their faces when I tell them the rest of the story, “Um, yeah, I don’t just write fantasy fiction, I actually write erotic fantasy fiction.”

Two things will now happen.  First, I went from being an addle-brained nitwit without any talent and a Peter Pan complex to being a sexual deviant who needs to be locked away in a jail cell for the next fifty years.  Now they really think that I have no talent because no one in their right minds with any talent what-so-ever would ever voluntarily write anything erotic, right?  Next they are going to start telling everyone who will listen to keep their kids away from my kids and to stay away from me because obviously anyone who writes about that stuff thinks about it all the time.  So now I’m not just a no-talented nitwit, but I’m a perverted, sexually deviated no-talented nitwit. 

Second, if the person who finds this out is male, the first thing that pops into his mind is that I must be a slut and will want to have sex with anyone at anytime.  After all, anyone who writes about it must think about it all the time and obviously must want it all the time as well.  Not to mention that anyone with that kind of imagination must be into some really kinky stuff.  Cue the stares, the propositions, the “accidental” brushing against of parts of my body that I will not mention.  For some reason, when men hear the words ‘erotic writer’ they seem to think they are getting a green light to hit on me.

Well obviously people are idiots.  Okay, so not really.  But what they are is very judgmental.  It’s only natural for them to fear or avoid what they do not understand.  And unless you are a writer, you will not understand that writing erotica is like writing any other form of creative literature.  I’m always so wrapped up in trying to get the wording just right that I cannot just sit down and just enjoy the story for what it is.  Because, what it is, for me at least, is a piece of literary art. 

I think this bothers me the most.  If someone goes to a museum and looks at a nude painting, they recognize it as “art.”  The same cannot be said if that same person then reads an erotic fantasy story.  They do not recognize, or understand that, for the writer, what was created was art.  To put it into everyday terms, an OB-GYN stares at female genitalia every day, but they certainly don’t go around being sexually aroused 24-7.  Why?  Because they look at it not from a sexual point of view but from a scientific point of view.  The same can be said for a photographer or painter who is capturing the nude form.  They look at it from an artist’s perspective.  Writers are no different.  Our medium of creation is just a little bit different from a painter or a photographer.

Letting others know that you are a writer means you have to let them into your world.  You have to try to explain to them that writing is an art form.  Then you will be judged based not only on what genre you choose to explore, but also on the simple fact that you are a writer.  They will gain insight into how your mind works and how you view the literary world.  They will almost certainly see you in a new light.  For better or worse, once people know you are a writer, your writing world and the creativity behind it will no longer be a private thing shared between you and your fans. 

If the person in question should happen to actually read something that you wrote, then they will have even more information about how your mind and creativity work.  Which is scary for me, actually.  On second thought, them thinking that I am a no-talented nitwit is preferable than what they may think of me after reading the filth that I have created.

And then again, they may become my new best friend.

Nov 30 2010

But You are not REALLY a Writer

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary describes a writer as someone who writes.  Whether that be stories, articles, blogs, novels, poetry, or the like, if you write then you are a writer.   In order to continue to call yourself a writer, however, you will have to keep on writing.  If you use to write but haven’t in a really long while, then you use to be a writer.  If you have never actually written down any part of that next bestseller that has been bouncing around in your head then sorry, you are not a writer.  In order to be a writer, you have to actually write.  That’s in the presence tense.  “Use to” doesn’t make you a writer any more.  “Going to” doesn’t make you one either.

Now you will notice that the definition did not say that in order to be a writer you had to actually do it full-time or get paid for it or for it to be your actual  job description or contribute to your income in any way.  Which brings me to another one of my pet peeves:  writers who seem to think that because we have not yet gotten a book deal, do not write full-time, or do not hold some type of “writing” job as our career that we are not really writers.  Sorry, that is just wrong.  And it’s also disturbing.  Someone who considers themselves a writer and is actually getting paid for it but does not know the definition of the word “writer” is an insult to writers everywhere.  Saying that someone isn’t a writer simply because he/she doesn’t get paid to write is like saying a woman is not female because she has not yet had children.

I had often thought that the majority of writers who thought this way were those who only wrote articles and other nonfiction.  My reasoning behind this is that a lot of writers who defend so whole-heartedly that writers who are not getting paid are not really writers come off sounding like jealous children who are angry that they do not possess the creativity to write something fictitious and must therefore stay in the nonfiction genre.  Recently I have come across a slew of mercenary writers who write fantasy fiction who seem to also have the warped perception that non-paid writers are not really writers.  So my observations lead me to think that, yes, they are all jealous of the creativity that others possess and are striking out at other writers for being better at the writing process than they are.  What I have discovered is that it is not just nonfiction writers who seem so jealous, but other fiction writers as well. 

Which brings me to my next point.  Why do writers get jealous of each other at all?  What I have come to understand is that it is not just writers who get jealous of others in their field.  Jealousy is just a natural human emotion.  It is only natural for humans to be envious of those whom they deem to be better at something than they are.  What I would like to see is more understanding and support of each other.  Writing is a very lonely and solitary activity.  No one understands a writer and their obstacles better than another writer.  We should be congratulating each other on our successes and encouraging each other to never give up, no matter what our ultimate dream or desire may be in our writing endeavors.   Instead, some writers will be little each other, call each other names, and try to convince each other that they either have no talent or that they are not really writers because it is not their evil day job. 

It makes me wonder if the reason why writers don’t want to confess to their profession is not because they are afraid of what others may think, but because they are afraid that the person they are talking to is a writer too.  Why would you want to confess to being a writer if the person you are talking to is also a writer and insists upon telling you all the reasons why you are not really a writer and all the reasons why they are really a writer.  We get enough people from the outside world staring down their noses at us.  We don’t need to snub each other as well.

Nov 19 2010

Bret Michaels: A Little Girl’s Hero

The following article originally appeared on Hub Pages as a sit-down interview with yours truly. 

The following is an article based on an interview with the little known underground erotic writer Nicola Matthews. Nicola talks about her life, her work, and her personal hero, singer/songwriter Bret Michaels.

In the Beginning:

“I first heard the song Every Rose has its Thorn way back in 1989 when I was only twelve years old. Back then I had never heard of Bret Michaels or Poison. But there was something in Bret’s voice that spoke to me, a hidden sorrow that suggested that even though he may have lived a charmed life compared to most, that he still knew what it meant to suffer emotionally. It didn’t take me long to dig up everything I could about the band. I came to think of them as “my guys,” like they were part of the family or something. Stupid, I know, but that’s the way I felt about them. I felt a kinship with Bret more than any of the other band members. It’s hard to explain, but there was just something about him, about his voice….he could speak volumes by singing just a few lines. I think it’s that way with a lot of his fans. A lot of people will come across that certain singer or musician that they feel some sort of ethereal connection to. For me, it has always been Bret Michaels.”

“Bret saved my life.”

“I grew up in a broken home.  These days having divorced parents or parents that have never even been married is nothing unusual.  In fact, it seems that me and my husband are in the minority, having been married for fifteen years now.  But back then, people just didn’t get divorced.  My parents didn’t just divorce.  My mom up and left when I was eleven years old.  My father had just had a triple bypass done on his heart and hadn’t been home but like maybe two months when she left.  I remember my dad telling me, ‘If you go with your mom then I’ll blow my brains out!  I will, I swear I will!  Don’t you go with her!”  At the age of eleven all I could think about was who was supposed to take care of my dad if I left?  So I stayed.

Things were okay for a while.  But soon it became apparent why my mom had split.  Without her there, there was no one to protect me from tirade of verbal abuse that came from my father.  I know I’m not the only one to have ever been emotionally and physically abused as a child, but unless you have been there, you honestly don’t know what kind of mental and emotional scars it can leave on a person, especially a young child.  I was told so many times that I was ‘useless’ and ‘worthless’ that I began to shut people out.  I was very lonely growing up.  Every time I made a close friend my father would find some reason to forbid me to see that person outside of school.  It got to the point that I was too embarrassed to have anyone over any way.  The beatings and verbal abuse didn’t stop just because I had a friend over.  It was just easier to be by myself and pretend everything was fine.  But it takes a toll, you know?  By the time I was twelve I had already attempted suicide twice.

And then I heard Bret’s voice.  As corny as it sounds, I decided at the age of twelve that I was not going to leave this earth until I had met Bret Michaels.  In his own way, Bret saved my life.”

A Funny Story…

“When I was in eighth grade I had a very close friend named April.  She, like me, had a horrible home life.  Her mom was a nurse who worked four days a week at a hospital in New Orleans.  Now the story of how I got a backstage pass and ticket to a Poison concert was told to me like this:

While the band was playing in New Orleans one of the techies fell off a catwalk and broke his leg or his hip or something like that.  April’s mom was one of the nurses assigned to take care of this guy.  When she found out that he worked for Poison she told him about her daughter and her friend who were these huge fans of the band.  So this guy, who was nicknamed Studs, got her two tickets and two backstage passes for us for an upcoming show scheduled to be held on the Gulf Coast.  April, being the wonderful friend that she was, gave me the other ticket and backstage pass.  I was fourteen years old and might as well just have won a $100 million lottery.

Well, my life being what it was and my dad being the kind of person that he was, refused to let me go to the concert.  I had to give the ticket and backstage pass to April’s boyfriend at the time, Brian.  However, Brian was nice enough to get C.C. DeVille to autograph a shirt for me.  I had wanted a pair of Bret’s undies, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

Music Spawns Creativity

“I started writing when I was about six years old.  I can remember as a child that I loved to make up stories.  As soon as I learned how to write, I began to write down stories to amuse myself.  I was an only child, so I learned to read at a very early age.  Once my parents split up, I escaped my world of sorrow for adventures across the globe in books of all kinds.  I tried my own hand at writing and attempted my very first novel when I was eight years old.  By the age of ten I had tried to write two additional novels, without much success.  At thirteen, I began writing on a romance/mystery that I entitled Big Dreams and Nightmares.  It took me my entire seventh grade year to complete.  I would sit in front of my stereo with headphones on and listen to Poison’s Open Up and Say…Ahh album over and over again while I wrote.  The guys inspired me to do more than merely jot down my random ideas and thoughts.  It was then that I realized that deep down, no matter how smart I was or how good my grades were, I would always be a writer.  It was the one God-given talent that I had been granted, and I wanted to share it with the world.

You asked me why Bret was my hero.  It’s because no matter what life has thrown at him, no matter how dismal things may have seemed,  no matter how much people told him that he “couldn’t” he looked life straight in the face and said, ‘Oh yes I can!’  I guess Bret reminds me of myself.  I have been to the depths of hell and back over the years, and no matter what, I have always crawled back out of the hole that life had dug for me.   Bret Michaels is my hero, and I still refuse to leave this earth until I have met him.”

Personal Message for Bret:

 We caught up with Nicola on April 23, 2010 in regards to the brain hemorrhage suffered by Bret Michaels on April 21.

“My husband and I had went out to eat Friday night.  When we got home he got on the internet and saw the news banner on Yahoo!  He was the one who told me about it.  After reading the article I went into the bathroom and cried like a baby.  I was terrified for him, for his family, for his two girls.  I didn’t even want to fathom a world without Bret in it.”

MS:  Do you have any personal words for Bret?

“Bret, we are all standing behind you and praying for your recovery.  You hang in there, and fight.  And always remember that little girls, even when they are all grown up, will always need their hero.”

Original article appeared here:  http://hubpages.com/hub/Bret-Michaels-A-Little-Girls-Hero

Nov 16 2010

Why People Don’t Know that I am an Author

Another blogger brought up a very interesting point.  She pondered the question of why writers have a tendency to freeze up, lie, stutter, or, in essence, deny that they are writers. 

When someone asks me what I do, I don’t immediately shout “AUTHOR!” because of two very important reasons.  First, I have an evil day job.  Writing isn’t a “hobby,” it’s my life’s calling.  But since I have bills to pay, a roof to keep over my family’s head, and children to feed, I cannot rely on my one true passion in life to keep my family from starving.  So I just don’t bring it up.  And the 2nd reason why I don’t shout it to the stars, and perhaps the most important reason, is that all my published works have been written under a pen name.  Most people don’t even know what a pen name is.  I’d have to start off the conversation explaining what a pen name is and why authors use them.   And if I said, “Oh, yeah, I’m an author!” instead of saying, “I’m the manager for XYZ Company” then I have people wanting to know what I write.  So the explanation begins all about how I write erotic fantasy.  Cue the funny stares.  Questions continue about if I have anything in publication, what did I get published, what is it about, etc.  And finally I have to explain why they have never heard of my pen name, etc. 

Then there is the fact that I live square in the middle of the bible belt.  Somehow I don’t think telling people that I write erotic fantasy fiction is going to go over too well with the neighbors.  It brings up the problems of parents not wanting their children near my house because they, the parents,  cannot seem to separate fact (what actually does go on in my home) from the fantasies that I write about.  Let’s not leave out the problems it would bring up for me at work since I actually do have an evil day job.  And I’m not even going to get into the whole thing about how men seem to think that a woman writing erotic fantasy fiction is an open invitation to hit on them.

I see being an author as a lot like being a spy.  I wouldn’t announce to the whole world that I am a spy.  And as a writer who publishes under a pen name, I am not going to try to explain to perfect strangers what my pen name is, what I write about, and give them a detailed list of what is published where.  The only people who matter, my friends, family, and most importantly, my fans, already know who I am and what I do.  Trying to convince someone outside that loop that I am just as good as I say I am (and not in any way morally damaged) is pretty redundant.  It’s just easier to leave it out of the conversation.  And if I think that I absolutely have to explain myself to them, it’s much more rewarding to pull out my latest novel, autograph it for them, and hand it over with a smile.

Nov 15 2010

Word of the Day – antihero

noun – generally considered the protagonist whose character is at least in some regards contrary to that of the typical hero.  Can even include the antagonist if he/she/it elicits considerable sympathy or admiration of the readers.

A Byronic hero is a rebellious antihero who is sympathetic despite his/her rejection of virtue.  Antiheros often have several of the following characteristics:

*strong sense of arrogance

*very intelligent

*cunning with the ability to adapt

*suffered from some unnamed crime or tragic event

*troubled past

*sophisticated & educated

*self-critical

*mysterious, charismatic

*great power of seduction

*socially & sexually dominant

*emotional conflict

*dark attributes

*self-destructive

*disrespectful to authority